Wandering Eye Can't Read Defenses: Week 2 Picks

The Ancient Greek philosopher Plato wrote: "Eros (love) is madness." 

As the son of the deities Apollo and Calliope, Orpheus hit the gene pool paydirt. The god of music and light, coupled with the muse of epic poetry, spawned the foremost virtuoso of music, art, and poetry this realm had ever witnessed. His divine skill transcended humanity, bending the hearts of ladies and immortals alike. 

He could pluck that lyre like Justin slings the rock. 

“If they protect Justin Herbert, he’s the best passer in the league.”

-Tom Brady 

Integral in Jason's quest for the Golden Fleece, Orpheus wielded harmony with such majesty and amplitude that he overwhelmed the Sirens and calmed the tempest. Long before Aaron Donald was courted out of retirement, the Argonauts were one of the original superteams.

Orpheus fell hard for the botanically stunning Eurydice. His love for the wood nymph was true and pure; a muse who inspired new levels of artistry and creativity. 

But Hymen, the God of marriage’s torch, blew choking smoke rather than the bright flames of good tidings. 

Ultimately, a fateful snakebite sent his muse, Eurydice, to the underworld and a grief-ridden Orpheus on an unthinkable quest.

So into Hades he went, lyre drawn to melt the hearts of Hades and Persephone, pausing the eternal punishment of the damned. His mission to the dark side was successful to a point,  earning a contract to walk back with the promise that Eurydice would be freed to follow so long as he would not turn back to lay eyes on her until they resurfaced to the light. At the last moment, as the light was breaking through, insecurity stole his conquest as he turned, glanced, and tragically lost Eurydice until the afterlife. Orpheus loved Eurydice too much to look forward. 

Can the same be said for Justin Herbert? The broadcasts notch more Beer body shots than Kappa Sigs on spring break. How can you blame Justin for copping a glance at Madison as he tries to look forward, conquer Raider hell, and the Malosos on the dark side. 

Is this union a joyous, positive one yielding exponential dividends or rather the kind that blows Hymen’s choking smoke Herbert’s way?  We hope the former, but fret we know this story all too well. 

Ultimately, in his life after Eurydice, Orpheus spurned the advances of one too many frenzied Maenads, and they tore him to pieces in a mad rage. According to legend, his severed head still sang sad ballads while floating to Lesvos.

Is that what happens in the aftermath here? Does Herbert’s somber but beautiful song echo on, floating off in obscurity, mocking the utility of its broken vessel? 

"Tragedy is an imitation, not of men, but of an action and of life, and life consists in action, and its end is a mode of action, not a quality."

-Aristotle

What action, what life will play out? What is the mode of action that will shape its end? Herbert's apologists can only hope to wager against the enduring testament of ancient Greek tragedy. 

Plato spoke about how Eros overrules one's logic when love becomes all-consuming. Has Herbert‘s love for his fiancée usurped the football he once had in his heart? Remember, this is the guy who slept at the team facility for OTAs!

Herbert has thrown 14 picks in the 17 games since the dating rumors began, compared to 3 in as many games in 2025 in the BB (Before Beer) era. And though no one here needs reminding, he still hasn’t been able to win in the playoffs. 

Last week’s inept performance against the Cardinals was concerning, but was it a Week 1 aberration or a sign of things to come? Former Dolphins head coach DJ Mike is the offensive coordinator, but the offense was as uncoordinated as ever.

Pundits were predicting an offensive explosion, especially with the two tackles coming back from injury this year. The problem is the pesky offensive line is having health and performance issues in its interior. Herbert’s hospital ball Sunday to Ladd McConkey may cost the Ladd time, and he seemed like the only effective receiver out there. The running game was inconsistent, and the defense let the Cardinals move the ball at will.

The revamped Raiders arrive Sunday with an actual QB leading the team, a running game, and a defense that kept the Dolphins subdued. Swept by the Chargers last season, the Raiders have lost seven straight games at SoFi Stadium.

This week they get revenge, or at least cover the spread (+6.5). The Gruncles like the feisty Saints getting +8.5 against Baltimore's injured receiving core and the Giants +7.5 against the jet-lagged Rams.

We wrote about the Rams' lack of respect for exploring exotic locals last week. There are real concerns about their top-heavy roster, playing at a high level the entire season. We respect their willingness to take their shot and "f them picks," but the superteam moniker may have angered the football gods. The Rams are already feeling the injury bug with their biggest offseason acquisition, Miles Garrett, going under the knife this week, and Stafford must have been thinking he's getting too old for this crap after the eighth hit in Melbourne last Thursday... or was it Friday?

Last Week: 2-1