Cardinal Sins: Offseason Hype Results in McDud

Birds aren't real.

Or are they? The Arizona Cardinals, who went 3-14 last year—losing nine straight games to finish the season—ended the drought by defeating the Chargers 26-14 at SoFi Stadium.

The Chargers came into the game as winners of another offseason of hype and hope, looking to build on back-to-back playoff berths under head coach Jim Harbaugh.

The hope? The hope was that the quarterback wouldn't be under siege with the return of star tackles Rashawn Slater, Joe Alt, and the additions of interior linemen like center Tyler Biadasz, and guards Cole Strange, Kayode Awosika. Biadasz, who didn’t survive training camp, will miss the season with a knee injury.

The hype? The hype surrounded hiring former Miami Dolphins head coach Mike McDaniel to coordinate the offense. A widely celebrated hire, but one that should also be noted: Justin Herbert's eighth offensive coordinator in his last 11 seasons of football, dating back to his time at Oregon. Only the Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts has less continuity.

McDaniel's schematic advantages, though well-documented, could not account for missed assignments, procedural penalties, and an overall lack of rhythm.

From the moment Justin Herbert got onto the field six years ago, his physical gifts have been the type that keep bloggers awake at night studying the "All 22" angles; passes zipped into impossible windows with laser-like precision, arced in parabolas that could excite engineering students. Self-evident.

But Herbert's great potential has gone mostly unrealized in Los Angeles due to a variety of circumstances, or excuses, depending on how harshly you want to castigate the man.

Mike McDaniel was supposed to be the software update that finally made the hardware utilitarian, impossible to defend, quicker to assess pressure, and, eventually, more clutch. What Herbert does between September and December doesn't really matter. January results are the only metric missing from his resume. The Chargers have to hope January football is even in the cards for them after their showing against Arizona.

The offense looked explosive in moments and scored a touchdown on their first possession, but struggled to live up to expectations the rest of the way.

Third year receiver Ladd McConkey, who seemed primed to excel in the new scheme flashed so brightly on the first possession (4 catches for 60 yards) that the Cardinals deployed extra defenders in his direction and eventually knocked him out of the game with a rib injury.

Without McConkey to look to, Herbert seemed flustered in moments; and disinterested in others.

On Monday, Harbaugh lamented wasting opportunities to build chemistry in August. "Now in retrospect, wish I would have played our guys a little bit more in the preseason getting those game-like reps."

Perhaps most alarming, the Chargers' new offense can't win the hearts and minds of the football nerds if it is stuck on the sidelines waiting to get the ball back.

Cardinals quarterback Jacoby Brissett (and his agent) spent the offseason trying to convince the organization that he deserved a raise more in line with the market value for starting quarterbacks. The Chargers probably wish that the sides never came to terms. Brissett dissected the Chargers' secondary on the first drive of the season, going the length of the field, culminating in a 5-yard touchdown run by rookie Jeremiyah Love.

Spotrac reported that Brissett stands to earn $285.000 for every Cardinals win that he plays at least 50 percent of the snaps. His "wins bonus" caps at ten, a number that seemed amusing before the season started. Now?

Cardinals tight end Trey McBride provided Brissett's go-to target, hauling in 9 receptions on 9 targets for 95 yards and a touchdown. McBride routinely broke open to move the chains on short-to-intermediate crossers, even with Chargers safety Derwin James giving chase.

New defensive coordinator Chris O'Leary got his first taste of calling the defense in the regular season. It was an unpalatable one; a cocktail brimming with simple syrup and just no booze. Per Pro Football Focus' tracking, O'Leary's defensive unit generated just eight pressures for the entire game.

The Chargers' pass rush managed to bring down Brissett once, achieved on a blitz by linebackers Daiyan Henley and Troy Dye.

O'Leary relied heavily on standard four-man rushes and zone coverages, which allowed Brissett to comfortably complete 27 of 37 passes for 277 yards and a touchdown

"He's got a couple he wishes he would have back," said Harbaugh. "He's going to be coaching up the positive and attacking the places we can improve, exactly the same."

"The ball was coming out quick. Something to improve on," said Harbaugh. "A lot of good, I thought we did well in the run game stopping the run.”

The Chargers allowed 116 rushing yards, but held the Cardinals to 3.4 yards-per-carry.

There was blame to go around. The special teams allowed a punt to be blocked by former Chargers receiver Semi Fehoeko. Omarion Hampton fumbled. Herbert threw an ill-advised prayer to Darius Davis. All five-foot-eight of him.

Herbert's pass was intercepted by Cardinals safety Andrew Wingard, dashing any hope of a comeback. The Chargers trailed 23-14 with under 10 minutes remaining; Herbert couldn’t have mistaken Davis for jump-ball savant Mike Williams, seeing as Williams retired 13 months ago.

Wingard picked off the pass at the Arizona 5-yard line, and the Cardinals drained more clock; a statistical domination of 37:31 minutes to Los Angeles’ 22:29.

“It’s on us to execute,” said Herbert. “We’ve run those plays since camp. We know them. And we just have to go out there and do what we’re capable of.”

The Cardinals stayed on schedule, averaging an easily manageable 5.9 yards-to-go on third downs. Meanwhile, the Chargers' offense routinely choked in early-down execution, collapsing to an average of 12.4 yards-to-go on third downs.

That stat is skewed by a horrendous sequence later in the 4th quarter that sent the home crowd packing.

Rookie center Jake Slaughter was penalized for a false start, followed by a false start by receiver Quentin Johnston. On 2nd-and-20, Herbert completed a screen pass to Keaton Mitchell, only for it to be negated by a holding penalty on Slaughter.

Facing 3rd-and-30 and with the play clock spent, the team wasted their second timeout of the half to prevent another penalty. As if McDaniel had a play for 3rd-and-30 in his Gucci bag.

“Sloppy at times, too sloppy,” said Harbaugh. "“That’s something we’ve got to get fixed.”

 Tight end Charlie Kolar was less diplomatic: “Overall, offensively, it was just a dog shit performance.”

“Our offense is over there (on the sideline) drinking water,” said Chargers safety Derwin James Jr.. “They’re hungry to get out there, bro. We’ve got to do a better job getting those three-and-outs and getting off the field.”

The results ended some streaks. Harbaugh was undefeated in season openers (now 6-1) as an NFL head coach.

On the other sideline, the victory made Mike LaFleur the first Cardinals head ​coach since Hall of Famer Don Coryell (St. Louis) to win in his debut, back in 1973.

You remember 1973? Richard Nixon was in the White House. The Miami Dolphins were the undefeated Super Bowl champions. Petroleum prices spiked after an OAPEC embargo, and more people tuned in to see Elvis sweat through a concert performance in Hawaii than the lunar landing, a few years prior.

As a feat of engineering, the conquest of the moon was so idiosyncratic that some conspiracy theorists still refuse to believe it was real; it is the conspiratorial template for a litany of disbeliefs. A suspicion that would be performatively applied to birds decades later as satire.

It was only one game, but these birds were very real.