How Do You Shun A Land Down Under?: Week 1Picks From Chicago

Division rivals the 49ers and the Rams play in Australia on Thursday evening, although for locals, kickoff will be at 10:35 AM.

The teams took completely opposite approaches to travel. The 49ers left a week early to acclimate and get away from the electrical substation by its practice facility; one that conspiracy theorists have blamed for all the soft tissue injuries the team has experienced.

They come into the season under the radar with some injuries, while the champion Seahawks and the Rams have received most of the love from pundits. Remember, the 49ers won 12 games last year! The 49ers' season ambitions, dreams and hopes come through a gate of horns and not of ivory. This bodes well; these are the dreams that come true for Penelope and Purdy!

The Rams, comparatively, arrived yesterday! And after the first-ever regular-season game played on Australian soil, they will fly out right after the game, spending about the same amount of time flying as they will on the ground in Australia!

What do the Rams have against Australia, anyway? Everybody loves an Aussie! Of the lot, a humble Melburnian is almost impossible not to love. Street Art, Aussie footy, a Greek Quarter and perfect flat whites. They can put Vegemite into lattes now! Throw in a wallaby or koala for good measure, and you are in heaven “down under.”

Melbourne is a neutral site, full of welcoming sage Greeks laced with age-old wisdom, just as Delphi was to Ancient Greece. Your Greek Uncles are telling you the Rams are storming into town and pissing on Apollo’s temple and crop-dusting Pythia the Oracle while they don designer shades and pull down their baseball hats in search of Erewhon. This is bad juju for tonight—and the year ahead.

Such a short stay without paying honor where honor is due is not only bad form but destructive behavior. No reciprocity, respect, or reverence for the sanctity of connection with others; a shitty guest does make.  Such guests are violating the principle of Xenia, from which philoxenia, or “friend of the foreigner/ hospitality,” is derived. 

The Ancient Greek philosophers, the football gods, and the Greek Uncles in Chicago look down on the Rams' lack of curiosity and unwillingness to explore a new world.

Yes, the Rams did this same travel bombing manuever last season when they played in London and beat the Jags 35-7. London is about 10 hours from LAX, whereas Melbourne is closer to 16 hours and has a crazier time difference.

Rams coach Sean McVay must be hoping for a similar result to the London game, while trying to limit the impact of the trip on the rest of the season. The NFL gave them a Monday night game at home against the Giants in week 2, but after that they play at Denver, at Philly, then at home against the Bills.

Listen, we know a thing or two about long flights, and this seems like a big gamble to start a season in which they are considered an inevitability by the fans and pundits. Thought the 2026 Rams squad is star-studded, they could also be top-heavy. A couple of key injuries and the lack of depth will be readily apparent. Last year we worried about Stafford's herniated disc keeping him from practicing all preseason, and he didn't miss a game, but will his luck continue?

The Greek Uncles in Chicago are taking the 49ers (you can find it at +4.5), the Texans at home (+1.5) over the Bills, and Washington (+5.5) in Philadelphia. The Superteam mantle is a bad omen for a season, and we predict the Rams' season to end in disappointment.