The Legend of Porky: Divisional Round Picks

Nektarios did not go to school with any of the other boys in his friend group from church, but friends can be difficult to come by as an introverted teen dealing with both puberty and an insecurity about his weight.

His mother began dragging him out of bed on Sunday mornings in high school to attend a international Christian church.

The international teens were primarily Greek Americans. None of that mattered to Nektarios though. To him, youth group was a chance to mingle with the American pranksters, and to practice the little English that he had learned on television.

One of the words that tickled him was "porky."

Porky-Porky-Porky-Porky.

Is how it sounded when he would get up the confidence to speak in front of the ex-pats. Inevitably, his fondness for the word, and his predilection towards a burgeoning paunch, led to him being known amongst the group as "Porky."

The youth group, and their young American pastor—happily losing a battle with the pull of adolescence and all of its nonchalance— who taught, literally would jump at the every chance they could to get out of the classroom and play sports.

This is how Porky came to play ball with the oddly-shaped thing that they called a "football"; even though it was strongly discouraged to ever kick it. Unbeknownst to Porky, this dated back to previous footballs that had been either lost or destroyed by kicking them wildly over, and, on one calamitous occasion, directly onto a spiked fence.

The other boys, patient with explaining the game's extensive rules, always needed more able bodies to compete against, so Porky was never excluded. One summer was spent at a summer camp together. Porky would join the football games at the beach. On the last game of camp they even drew up a play for him in the huddle.

Bored with constantly being asked to block or interlope so that the others could get the ball, Porky listened to the translated version of the play and, for a moment, the absentmindedness that plagued him during these exhibitions abated. This was his moment to actually play the strange American game.

As designed, the defense left Porky unmarked and the pass found him directly under where the numbers would be. He did not "catch" the ball, so much as his belly inhaled it. Later, the boys would triumphantly tease that his torso made the swirling sound of water draining as the ball was enveloped by his arms and paunch.

Nektarios, or Porky, if you prefer, became the stuff of legend amongst the friends who marvel at his catch to this day.

For him, American football would never compare to the beautiful game that the rest of the world canonized, but on that afternoon he begrudgingly would admit that the sport was certainly more inclusive (and fun!) for people of a . . .rounder persuasion.

In 1985, Bears coach Mike Ditka used a similar gambit to motivate a 325-pound rookie defensive tackle named William Perry. Drafted in the first round out of Clemson, Perry joined a veteran defense about to transition from a wave to a tsunami. His curmudgeonly defensive coordinator was as surly as he was brilliant, but he was also never going to play an out-of-shape rookie simply because his name was on the off-season marquee.

So what did Ditka do? Well, if Buddy Ryan wasn't going to play Perry then perhaps the Bears could find a use for him on the other side of the ball. On a Monday night game against the Packers, Perry lined up on the goaline three different times at fullback. He pancaked a poor sap at linebacker twice to help Payton score two touchdowns and was handed the ball a another time to score one himself. His popularity soared and Buddy Ryan started using him more on defense.

Current Bears coach Ben Johnson has inherited the mantle of coaches-who-make-you-defend-every-eligible player—even the extra large ones.

Johnson was hired by the Bears after presiding over the explosive Detroit Lions offense for years. Under Johnson, the Lions threw passes to multiple offensive linemen, including to 6-foot-9 Dan Skipper. Penei Sewell caught a reception and, in a new wrinkle, even looked to throw a pass last season before making the wise decision to run out of bounds when the play wasn't open.

Last week against the Packers offensive lineman Theo Benedet was sent streaking down the field on a seam route. The quarterback didn’t throw his way, but viewers couldn’t help but be wowed at Benedet’s route and Johnson’s postseason tricks.

This season has been magical for the Bears (+4.5). The Rams are a better team but the comeback Bears will cover in the cold Chicago night. The 49ers are getting +7.5 against the Seahawks, who beat them badly a couple weeks ago in San Francisco. The Niners are beat up and lost Kittle last week but this feels like too many points. Trent Williams is back though and he may be the most important player on the team. Meanwhile Arnold is questionable with an oblique injury.

Take the experience of the Bills (+1.5) and Josh Allen over the upstart Broncos and we like the Pats (-3) to cover against the Texans who are going to be without their star receiver, Nico Collins.