Braindead, Dormant For Decades, Are 3-0 Raiders Back? Week 4 Picks

“Everything flows, and nothing stays fixed."

— Heraclitus

Trying to predict the NFL season is folly. It's a week-to-week league, and every year teams come out of nowhere to make the playoffs or win their division. That's as close to a mea culpa as you're going to get from the Greek Uncles who went a lousy 0-3 last week.

So far, the Cleveland Browns (3-1) have been a big surprise, especially with quarterback Deshaun Watson playing like his vintage self instead of the oft-injured, sexually inappropriate (I guess we have to say alleged), overpaid noodle arm of the last few years.

The other surprise team this season, the Las Vegas Raiders: Rebuilding since 2003, the franchise is a shade of it's former self, and already onto their sixth new head coach of the decade. The Raiders have sold their fans on more reboots than Michael Myers, who, like a cockroach, refuses to die despite being shot, impaled, run over, and set on fire. Kinda similar to Raider fandom.

Their general manager, John Spytek, moved on from legendary coach and gum chewer, Pete Carroll, who seemed to be past his prime and working with very little on offense.

Nepo baby Clint Kubiak was hired to replace him, bringing the famed Kubiak/Shanahan offense. Spytek went to work on remaking the roster. He overpaid for center Tyler Linderbau, solidifying the offensive line. Kirk Cousins, has brought veteran leadership and a steady hand if you need to host an emergency bible study, while the team develops it's top pick, nerdcore Heisman Trophy winner FernandoMendoza.

The offense has weapons at running back and tight end. The defense added several players via the draft and free agency, and brought back pass rusher Maxx Crosby after the Baltimore Ravens failed his physical based on a dinkie knee. Hey, Michael Myers isn't passing any physicals either, but he still gets the job done!

So are the resucitated Raiders for real? They "host" a rejuvenated Chiefs squad at home, but that building is already cursed earth for fans of the Roaches, I mean, Raiders.

The Chiefs have played seven games in the building and they’ve won six of them, including Super Bowl LVIII. That win came over the San Fransisco 49ers, but the other six games have been against the Raiders, and the only Chiefs loss came as Patrick Mahomes missed the game because of a season-ending knee injury. That's right. Unlike every other tourist in history, Mahomes never loses in Vegas.

The pundits are eager to crown Kansas City. What's stood out about them is that Travis Kelce is playing like he's at his peak. Mahomes is touted as being back again, but we're not so sure if his deep ball is there yet.

We're taking the Raiders +4.5 at "home." The Patriots have been a disappointment. Drake "The Schedule" Maye has looked horrible dating back to last year's playoffs, but he's about to face a soft defense for the first time since December. Take New England +7 at the Bills. We like Washington +4.5 against the Colts across the pond in an early international tilt on a soccer pitch. The Commanders' run defense has been great so far so they should be able to slow down the Indianapolis Colts' star Jonathan Taylor.

Last Week: 0-3

Season: 4-5