As You Wish: Week 16 Picks

The Ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, "You can never step in the same river twice." 

The Patras Biriba Open PBO in ‘72 was his unprecedented three-peat. The horned crown substantiated the lore and sealed his place in gambling history.

You see, well into his seventies, my great uncle Kosta was a true masterclass. He held court at the kafeneio “biriba” card tables like a lion in the savanna. Everyone and their pocketbooks (except his partner of the day) were vulnerable prey. He had a book on each player: their strengths, weaknesses, and strategic tendencies. Kosta knew what to say or do that would put them on edge and cause them to lose focus.

He’d grow out his pinky nail, and when the pressure was on, he would unexpectedly dig for ear wax. He saw patterns in people and inconsistencies in their behavior, even spotting the odd defect in printed card backs. 

He was ruthless with his partners too. He would swap them out like a summer Kamaki switching between Scandinavian flings. He wasn’t worried about feelings, just winning and current form. Kosta was a shark, and rumors swirled that he had signs to tip off his partner about wild cards and sequencing. Sometimes it was a flick of his komboloi, a sharper drag on his Karelia lights or a longer draw from his Greek coffee. He was an advantage player and took every edge he could. 

Aside from the 50,000 Drachmas he took home from Patras, Kosta was making more money in retirement playing Biriba than he had at ΔΕΗ as a power station manager for the national electricity outfit. Ironically, it became his calling card; ladies half his age would prowl, trying to get a piece of the action and perhaps a mink coat to boot.

His kids finally got the choice ocean view parcels they had hoped for, and he even sent Rodanthi to Athens for the boob job she had always wanted. He’d go on runs and stack bands like horta greens at the laiki. Sometimes, when he was really running hot, he’d go up to the big game in Nafplio where the purses doubled. 

The heart attack in '73 forced a hiatus. The next year, Kosta made a run at a four-peat, as well as his place in storied Biriba lore. All of Peloponnesus was abuzz with anticipation.

No one anticipated what came next. Seemingly, it had happened overnight. He had lost his edge. His eyes betrayed him, and his mind failed. He was unable to retain patterns three rounds ahead. His perception was dull; he played in slow motion, a granular version of his HD prime. Poof, like the ghost of St Bartholomeos, his aura left him.

He had suddenly crossed that age old thresh-hold,  the governor on human longevity that keeps humans humble and God supreme. He didn’t go riding off into the sunset, he hobbled away straight into assisted living. 

Philip Rivers is trying to fight the forces of change that Heraclitus wrote about. Retiring for five years to make a comeback is not a move associated with football. Seems more like a boxing or pro wrestling move. But tell that to the Seattle defense, who managed to sack the grandfather only once due to his quick release and had to sweat out a victory in the final minute.

The Colts defense kept the game close against Seattle last Sunday. Rivers made a couple nice throws in clutch moments, but his throwing looks more like he's trying to do the shot put. It was reminiscent of Peyton Manning's last couple of seasons when the game management covered for his lack of arm strength.

The speed of the game didn't appear to affect Rivers, who got the ball out of his hands quickly and didn't make mistakes. Winning the game would have been an incredible achievement, but forcing Seattle to drive with a minute left for a long field goal to win it was admirable. Hallmark, or Disney, would have doctored a different ending.

Rivers will be under the spotlight Monday night, and while he has never been the wilting type, the 49ers are the type of team that will blow the Colts out. Take San Francisco (-5.5) to end the Colts dreams.

The Greek Uncles in Chicago like the Jaguars (+3.5) to cover in Denver with an underrated defense and sneaky good run game. Our contrarian take is Baltimore (-2.5) over the Patriots. We would normally jump on the Patriots, but it looks like a rat line, and the entire country already bet on the Pats so we are going the other way.

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