The Beautiful Game: Week 9 Picks

Growing up in Kalamata sandlot football was just that; “American football” on a sand lot. The hot arid climate, prone to long dry spells made grass hard to come by. To be precise, we were tossing the pigskin on gravel; the kind of tiny rocks dressing the hardened dirt that would cling to your scabs and scrapes like bees to glass coke bottles. 

Often a curious crowd would gather in wonder, like they were seeing the ghost of St Nektarios.

For most, the tattered football that cousin Jimmy had shipped across the Atlantic from his 3rd cousin Bobby in Arlington Heights was the first they had ever seen. They wanted to touch the oblong ball like it was an extraterrestrial relic.

These inquisitive onlookers were our draft pool. When the numbers didn’t add up we’d whisper and signal amongst each other making our picks as discreetly as we could. Thick calves, flattish midsections and running shoes were good for draft stock. The most valuable quality was beyond visible perception; how quickly could these drifters download America’s Beautiful Game. 

Most would acquiesce, eager to partake in a sport from the land of "Conan the Barbarian" and "Baywatch." There are 92 pages in the modern NFL rulebook which you can easily view with one click via this PDF. Theoretically one could study at a week-long seminar on the subject and still leave glassy-eyed, muddleheaded, punch-drunk—even before we asked you to catch a pass over the middle!

The learning curve was steep. “Fast Forty” though, was a natural. (More on him another time). 

“I think he’s one of the more natural throwers of the football I’ve ever seen. He can spin it with the best of them, he’s got one of the strongest arms of all time…” -Joe Burrow on Joe Flacco

Forty year old Joe Flacco is happy. He’s enjoying time away from family being a kid again, playing in the sandlot like a late arriving ringer who doesn't have time to learn everyone else's name in the huddle as he draws plays in the dirt.

Funny enough Flacco has made learning a team's playbook in 48 hours his signature move having led the Browns to the playoffs and winning Comeback Player of the Year two years ago after joining the team in November.

Who needs training camp when you can cram for the test in solitude as you eat dinner in anonymity at 4 P.M. with the local retirees?

“I used to see a guy sitting in a bar by himself eating and feel sorry for him… now I realize that dude was in heaven.” said Flacco last week. “I’m a player…and I like to play football… and if that’s in Cincinnati right now I’m all for it.”

Heaven is a man and his talents, finding his flow slinging the rock to Ja'Marr, Chase, Tee Higgins, and Andrei Iosivas. Albeit temporarily, Joe traded his family for an entourage of ballers and he’s loving every minute. 

“. . . When you’re the guy who gets to throw to them it’s just another level (of excitement).”

Yeah, we’re in Chicago, but we’re cynics and truth tellers. We don’t trust this team with its fluky run of turnover luck. In their four game winning streak they were the benefactors of  4, 3, 4 and 4 turnovers respectively. Against the hobbled and struggling Ravens last week the wishing well dried up and reality set in exposing their offensive inefficiency.

That same efficiency the Bengals have in spades. Count on Happy Joe to toss the rock to his “Hecantocheires” hundred-handed monstrous crew, dissect the imposturous Monsters of Midway and send the woeful Bears to hibernation. Take the Bengals +3 and if you want to squeeze the olive take the Moneyline +137. 

We got them at -3, but still take the Colts at -3.5 over the Steelers. Zen man Rogers doesn’t have the tools nor Tomlin the tricks to keep up with these Stallions.

Also take the 49ers -2.5 over the Giants in a bounce back win to get things right. Even with Brock Purdy out again, the team will rebound and deflect big apple Dart hysteria. 

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Season 9-11